essays
I Hate Tomatoes (and 83 other thoughts on loss) – The Normal School, November 2020
“With scientific studies linking intelligence to depression, I’m not shocked my husband died first.
If I were stupid, I might have better dreams. The dreams are the second worst part about all of this.
Do you want to know the worst part?
In the initial dreams, he still lived in the night with his warm smile and thick arms around me.
But I kept waking up.
I thought losing him again every morning would be as bad as it got.
It wasn’t.”
Keto Crash – Mud Season Review, April 2019
“I cut carbs. No bread, no sugar, no potatoes. If we were having this conversation face to face, you’d probably imagine I have terrible eating habits. Crinkly bags of colorful candy, piles of glazed donuts, giant folded slices of pizza with sauce oozing out the edges and dark spots of grease growing underneath it on the cardboard box. You might raise an eyebrow at what I’m eating in lieu of carbs – high amounts of animal fat and protein. The Keto diet. Hardly a diet if it includes bacon. Don’t worry – I secretly think all of this too, because I’m a fat person.”
Grief Bacon: Pressuring Myself – Modern Loss, March 2019
Sunlight peeked through cracks in the window blinds. My husband sat down by my side, lowering his body carefully on the worn, springy mattress so he didn’t jostle me. Taking the book off my head, he replaced it with his palm. He pressed down gently – fingers softly draped around the curve of my forehead. He sat with me like that until I could fall asleep. I breathed slowly in the dying light of the late afternoon. The pressure of his palm calmed the throbbing.
The Colors of His Addiction – Los Angeles Times, February 2019
“My husband was never disheveled on a street corner. He had enough musical instruments for a one-man-band, ran 5Ks, made this amazing pie-stuffed cake every year for my birthday. He had a master’s in engineering from the University of Texas and wanted to start a nonprofit to help ex-cons integrate into the corporate workplace. He invented a device that alerted his blind Boston terrier when she was about to walk into objects. He was the smartest person I’ve ever known, and an addict.”
How to Date Me (and my dead husband) – Quarter After Eight Vol 24, Sept 2018
“Tell me my dog is adorable. Know basic grammar. Make a silly joke about anteaters. Be candid, but don’t overshare. Send an animated GIF of an animal. Keep the conversation light and short. Don’t ask me about my last relationship. Don’t ask me “what I’m looking for.” Instead, ask to meet me for a drink.”
blogs
For several years, I wrote for The Plaid Horse and helped lead the conversation on topics like mental health, body image, and wellness issues in the world of equestrian sports. I also simply loved sharing what it’s like being a working adult amateur rider through sarcasm and story. You can read a wide range of articles I’ve written for TPH on the magazine’s website.
The Suicide Conversation We Should All Be Having Before “They Will Be Missed” – The Plaid Horse, June 2018
INTERVIEWS
Writing My Emotional Truth – Mud Season Review, June 2019
Nonfiction co-editor Julie Patterson recently had this exchange with Issue #43 featured nonfiction writer Lauren Mauldin. Here’s what Lauren had to say about writing through loss and addiction, her experience as an MFA student, how maintaining a blog helped find her voice, and more.
One Mask At a Time: An Interview with Stephen Dunn – Los Angeles Review of Books, January 2019
“Stephen Dunn a powerhouse of a poet. He is the author of 18 volumes of poetry and two essay collections, including the recently published Degrees of Fidelity (Tiger Bark Press). His 2000 collection, Different Hours, won the Pulitzer Prize and an Academy Award for Literature, and his 1996 collection Loosestrife was a finalist for the National Book Critics Award. A Distinguished Professor Emeritus at Stockton University, he has written his own eulogy — twice.”